Surviving the Holidays: How to Mind our Mental Health
Mental wellness is an internal state of being that is affected by many variables, such as our environment, relationships, and overall health & well-being.
It’s important to be aware of the things that affect us internally and externally. Internally, we may be experiencing health issues, stress, anxiety, worry, loneliness, and a myriad of other emotions and variables. When discussing our external environment, we must include our physical surroundings, pets, friends & family, as well as things like social media, the news, and even our community.
In a 2018 blog post, NAMI CEO Daniel Gillson writes about missing his mother who enjoyed Christmas as her favorite time of the year. For him, Christmas triggers the bittersweet feelings that can be evoked by the absence of a loved one. He goes on to note that the holidays can be the most difficult time of the year for him. In 2014, a survey by NAMI found that 64% of people with mental illness say the holidays make their condition worse. A later survey in 2021 showed that 3 in 5 Americans feel their mental health is negatively impacted by the holidays.
Mental health is as important to our well-being as any other aspect of health, so let’s talk about how we might be able to invest in that well-being and keep ourselves protected.
Acceptance & Planning
Keep in mind that anxiety is part of being human. No one can hold it together all the time. We all have ups and downs, but anything in excess tends to not bode well. So how do you find peace? Understanding that we don’t always feel good, and accepting that this is okay, can be one of the most freeing things we can do. In a world of picturesque lives being plastered on social media, we must accept the realistic understanding that the human condition is characterized by both good and bad. Sometimes we feel good, and that’s great. Sometimes we don’t, and that’s okay too. Let’s accept those thoughts and feelings without judgement.
Merriam-Webster defines resilience as “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.” There are many ways that we can invest in our own resilience, but there is a powerful concept that can help get us started: Plan for what you can but accept what you can’t. Try to plan as much as possible. This includes scheduling, finances, and any other issue/trigger/cue that might affect you. It also includes setting realistic boundaries and expectations. Even though we need social connection, we must be aware of how much “social battery” we might have. It’s okay to limit visits for the sake of your mental & emotional health. It’s healthy to understand the reality that challenges will always occur, but we can try to plan for as many of them as possible.
Connectedness
Loneliness is a series of thoughts that evoke specific feelings. You or someone close to you may be lonely and looking for a friend. There are many opportunities to be part of a community during the holidays if family is not available (or safe). Some examples could be local churches, community gatherings, nursing homes (some don’t have family to visit them), and even humane societies. We are tribal/social creatures. We need connection. You could argue that the people around us are the most important thing we have in life. Quiet/alone time is also good if in balance with necessary human connection (remember that social battery we discussed?). For some, pets can be wonderful friends and companions, and they need love and attention too. Spending time with a pet may be able to provide some stress reduction for both of you.
Social media can be helpful to some extent. Using it in small doses to connect with friends and family can be wonderful, but don’t be afraid to take a break if the negatives are outweighing the positives. Media, whether social or otherwise, can deliver statements that breed paranoia, fear, and anxiety just as much as positivity. Stepping back from media allows for grounding to take place. Staying in touch with our immediate surroundings and capabilities allows us to be more present and focused on what we can control. If a stressor cannot be removed or diminished, we must work on changing the way it affects us.
Focus
Picture this: Your mind is racing with all the things you need to achieve, bills you need to pay, fears about how someone might behave at a holiday gathering, or what might be a trigger if you leave your room and venture out into the world. Examine these thoughts. Are they helpful? Do your thoughts, or the actions that might follow them, have the potential to positively contribute to the situation, or make matters worse? We can’t control our initial thoughts and emotions, but we can control how we interpret them as well as how they affect our behavior. Perhaps we can try some deep breathing to settle our nerves and begin to look at our situation with mindfulness. What positive thoughts can we add? How can we be more objective? More empathetic? Were our initial responses reasonable?
Think about what matters most to you and why. What is your mission, aspiration, and purpose (MAP)? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What brings you joy? Understanding what priorities, we value can help us to find balance and direction. For example, if someone says that family matters most to them, it can be helpful to think about what they are doing to live in accordance with that value. What actions, habits, and routines reflect this priority? This allows us to see if we are truly in-line and focused on this value or highlight potential areas of improvement (which is also okay). Please remember that self-care includes clarifying our MAP, setting goals in support of it, and living the life that we choose to live. It also includes the practice of self-compassion when we get off track.
Self-care
The adage of not being able to get a drink from a dry well can remind us of the importance of filling our own well. Maintaining healthy habits, setting boundaries, and making time to connect with those that are important to us are all important topics to consider. For all those beautiful, compassionate souls out there, remember: It’s not “me first,” it’s “me too.” It’s not selfish to be aware of the need to maintain this human vehicle that we live in. Health-related variables such as activity/exercise, sleep, and nutrition can all have a profound influence on our physical, mental, and emotional health. For example, exercise can have profound effects on stress levels, stress response, neurotransmitter balance, mood, etc. Don’t neglect the basics of human health. The return on investment is profound.
Another thing to consider is lighting. Are we in environments with adequate lighting and access to natural light? Seasonal affective disorder impacts about 5% of the population, on average. And it is more common in women, with a reported female-to-male ratio of 4:1, according to the American Academy of Family Physicians. Changes in light from season to season impact the human brain in ways that we are not entirely clear. Symptoms of this often-mimic stress and depression. People with bipolar disorder are also more likely to be affected by seasonal changes. It’s important to get natural light during the day and get fresh air when possible. And since Vitamin D is in short supply without adequate sunlight, it might be helpful to get you level checked, and supplement as needed.
Financial Stress
Finances can be a significant cause of stress for some during the holidays. Think ahead of time about reasonable financial limits. A realistic plan can save us much grief after the dust has settled. Perhaps you are choosing to donate to a favorite charity versus the purchase of expensive gifts. Or maybe you would prefer to make something for your loved ones. Creative gifts are often amongst the most cherished by people who truly care about us. Sometimes it is time itself that is the best gift we can give. How can you devote your time to help your family or friends complete a project or task? Or maybe they would be thrilled to just spend time with you without any needs or wants, just human connection. Family pictures can sometimes be a wonderful investment for everyone, as well. Whatever you choose, set realistic limits, and do your best to stick to them.
Medication Management
Be sure to stay consistent with your medications during the holidays. It can be easy to slip out of our routine during this time. The holidays can also make it difficult to get refills. Plan with your doctor so that you are not running out of your medication during an inopportune time. Remember that combining substances such as alcohol with your medication can be dangerous. Hospital visits aren’t exactly the best holiday setting to spend time with loves ones. If you are around someone that may be at risk of abusing opioids, you might ask your doctor or pharmacist about acquiring Narcan that you can keep on hand. “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” — Benjamin Franklin
Peace and Joy
Remember the holiday carol “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen?” It goes on to say, “let nothing you dismay.” Let nothing leave you discouraged or disheartened. This is a wish for you to have a peaceful time during this holiday season. Please do not hesitate to reach out for support if you are in need. Let pride not close the door on the opportunity of a helping hand.
Happy Holidays from your Marion VA Healthcare System!
10 Ways to Handle Trauma Triggers During the Holiday Season | CPTSDfoundation.org
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) - Symptoms & causes - Mayo Clinic
Supporting Your Mental Health During the Holiday Season | SAMHSA
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23198671/
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